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January
Who could forget Ohio State running Notre Dame off the field at the beginning of the year...yeah that wasn't a mismatch. Just
because Notre Dame is the most popular team doesn't mean they belong in a bowl game, especially against a top ranked opponent.
Northwestern gives up not one but two onside kicks to UCLA. Listen, I know you are Northwestern but one onside kick is
unforgivable.
Gary Glitter tries to bribe overseas police with $60,000 after they bust him on child porn charges...nice try Glitter
enjoy your time in jail.
U.S. Skeleton coach suspended for sexual harrassment...I know I know what the hell is Skeleton?
Vince Young beats USC in the Rose Bowl...no he really did single handedly!
Ohio State troopers stopped using Frank Solich as a spokesman...why? Just because he got a DUI doesn't mean he won't represent
you in a positive light.
A Judge in Oklahoma got kicked off the bench for playing with himself in court...what? That's not cool during a trial?
Kiefer Sutherland aka Agent Jack Bauer from the TV show 24 attacks a Christmas Tree in a London Airport. Someone tell
this guy he just plays a government agent and to stop embarressing America.
Amputee Melissa Huff had her stolen leg returned...apparently it was a prank to steal the girl's prostetic leg...hilarious.
Whoever took her leg is going straight to hell.
A minor league hockey mascot gets severely burned during a fire breathing stunt. Mascots and fire do not mix! Well actually
mascots don't mix with anything they're just annoying.
The NFL cancels it's contract with Levitra, a drug that helps old men uh "perform". Guess dudes got sick of
explaining those "subtle" commercials to their kids during NFL games.
Michelle Wie played in the men's Sony Open and as usual missed the cut. Michelle, I said it back in January and I'll say
it again...you might want to win a couple of LPGA events before you try to take on Tiger Woods and the boys.
Bode Miller went on 60 Minutes and admitted he drank before skiing. He then proceeded to tank spectacularly in the Olympics
finishing in 5th place. He obviously didn't care about winning a Gold for America and we shouldn't care about his career either,
good luck getting an endorsement after that debacle Bode.
A New York City restaurant serves a Long Island Iced Tea to a 5 year old. That's an alcoholic beverage for you non drinkers.
I'm wondering if the kid had a mustache or just a really good fake I.D. A 5 year old served alcohol just pisses me off because
I look really young so I still get carded to this day. Why didn't they just bring the kid scotch?
February
A Romanian soccer player was traded for meat...15 kilos to be exact. Why am I not surprised that this trade happened in soccer?
According the report the meat represented a week of food rations for the team. Yeah whatever, just weird.
A small town in New Jersey hires a substitute teacher who happened to be a transexual. As if the kids don't have enough
to worry about. How do you learn if you're not sure if you're being taught by a man or a woman?
LeBron James gets booed on his home court? Ouch!
The Pittsburgh Steelers win the Superbowl against the Seattle Seahawks. The Lingerie Bowl at halftime on pay per view
was more entertaining than the game.
White Sox General Manager Kenny Williams blows up Frank Thomas at a press conference.
The Harlem Globetrotters won their 22,000th game. No word if Jason Williams was present or not with his guns.
For some reason Canada was upset about their team's Olympic performance. Not very often a team comes from ahead to lose
every game.
Ruben Patterson had to register as a sex offender. He thought he had problems with his neighbors before...wow good luck
with that.
Ray Lewis wanted to be traded from the Ravens. Of course the Baltimore Ravens are 13 - 2 and have won their division with
the team's best record in history...oops, he might want that one back.
Roommate kills the other roommate over toilet paper. At least he had a good reason for killing someone...crazy.
Jimmie Johnson wins the Daytona 500. I don't know much about Nascar, street racing is a completely different circuit but
congrats.
Darren Daulton revealed to the world that he is a nutcase. He is so crazy it's scary, seriously authorities should be
monitoring this guy, he shouldn't be alone with his own thoughts.
Who could forget Vice President Dick Cheney's hunting accident where he shot his buddy in the face and shoulder while
hunting quail. I guess the rules for hunting are #1. Shoot first, #2 Ask questions later.
Ronaldo was upset at Spanish soccer fans and I would elaborate and tell you why but you don't care and neither do I.
Stanford's mascot showed his college spirit by showing up drunk off his ass at a game.
Albert Belle was accused of stalking by his ex-girlfriend. Guess she wasn't down with the GPS system he dropped into her
car.
White Sox manager Ozzie Guillen was a no show at the White House. He probably didn't want to be shot by the Vice President
but Ozzie's excuse was he wanted to spend more time with his family but if the White House invites you, you might want to
show up.
The NHL was dealing with their gambling scandal which seemed to keep growing and at one point involved Wayne Gretsky and
his wife.
Phil Jackson and Mark Cuban exchange insults and the media keeps covering them.
Tiger Woods wins in Dubai, of course the main story was the $3 million Dubai gave the dude just for showing up to the
event. Must be nice to have $3 million in the bank before taking a swing on the golf course. I wouldn't even try to win...Tiger
is the man and he would go on to have a great year including being the PGA's Player of the Year again and Sports Illustrated's
Male Athlete of the Year beating Roger Federer.
March
The World Baseball Classic made it's unfortunate debut and I tried to give it a chance but I didn't understand the rules or
how team's were eliminated and I think it's a waste of time.
Bjorn Borg auctions off his trophies because he needs money. How do you blow millions of dollars? Money management, I
can't stress it enough.
Gary Glitter gets sentenced to three years for child porn and trying to bribe authorities.
Tiger Woods wins at Doral. I believe this was the last event he won before his dad passed.
Minnesota Twins legend Kirby Puckett dies at 45.
USA loses to Canada in the World Baseball Classic. USA moved on to round two anyway, I told you the rules make no sense.
March Madness starts in the world of college basketball with the dreaded Play in Game. Basically two small colleges against
each other for the right to get their asses kicked by a #1 seeded team in the tournament.
World Baseball Classic umpires help USA beat Japan.
MC Hammer defends Barry Bonds. At least he didn't give him financial advice.
Edgerrin James signs with the Arizona Cardinals.
Shaq gets benched in Miami...wow! Turned out to be a good move as Shaq was motivated and helped Miami win the NBA Title
later.
Andruw Jones falls down the stairs. Well he'll be added to my ever growing list of athletes who are great on the field
and clumbsy everywhere else.
The Carolina Panthers cheerleaders who got busted having sex in a public bathroom got probation and avoided jail. Guess
the judge felt they were humiliated enough.
USA loses to Korea in the World Baseball Classic but we still weren't done.
Monmouth wins the Play in Game, and then were run off the court in the first round.
Dwight Gooden was looking at more jail time. The Doc can't stay out of trouble it seems.
The Portland Trailblazers score five points in the 4th quarter. In other words they gave up.
The entire town of Calabasas, California bans smoking. That's a first, so you can get a ticket for lighting up outside
your house...wow. Is this America or Berlin?
USA loses to Mexico in the World Baseball Classic and finally gets eliminated. I was glad I didn't have to report on this
debacle anymore.
Not one team from the Big Ten Conference made the NCAA Sweet 16 in the tournament.
Terrell Owens signs with the Dallas Cowboys.
UCLA and Gonzaga had an epic battle in the NCAA Tournament. I think this was the best game and UCLA made a stunning comeback
to win the game and make Adam Morrison cry at center court. Who could forget that?
George Mason a small college no one's ever heard of a year ago had a remarkable run and as a #12 seed, made the Final
Four.
April
Florida ends George Mason's incredible run and knocks them out of the NCAA Tournament.
Jesse Jackson takes up for Barry Bonds.
Dateline NBC tries to set up Nascar. They should stick to catching perverts on those specials.
Vice President Dick Cheney throws out the first pitch at the Nationals game.
My lovely friend Erin went to the Kentucky Derby and informed me that they were selling Mint Juleps for $1,000! Apparently
the ice was flown in from the Artic so it was "pure" and the sugar from Columbia and the Mint was from Oregon, whatever!
I'll hit the local ice cream shop and get one for two dollars.
Greg Maddux wins his 320th game.
Phil Mickelson wins the Masters event.
Soccer tries to deal with its growing racism problem.
Barry Bonds is investigated for perjury
Casey Fossum throws a 47 mph fast ball. 47 mph? The batter could get a few practice swings before the ball reaches the
plate.
A Texas Rangers pitcher gives up three homeruns in three pitches...ouch!
Pedro Martinez wins his 200th game
A minor league team had a promotion where they gave away "Love Boats" making fun of the Minnesota Vikings sex
boat scandal.
Gilbert Arenas admits playing online poker during halftime
Tiger Woods reportedly was at the Palms casino in Las Vegas and won $500 bucks and quit. I hear ya man, get outta there
with something.
Julio Franco hits a homerun at the age of 47
Randy Johnson appears on the "Unsexiest Man" list. Calling someone ugly gets old after elementary school I thought.
Richie Sexson tried to steal second base against the Detroit Tigers and was thrown out by a mile.
Brett Farve announced he would return to the Green Bay Packers.
Delmon Young throws bat at an umpire in the minor leagues
Denver Nuggets coach George Karl says winning is better than sex. Obviously he needs to get out more.
Major League Baseball announced they wouldn't celebrate Barry Bonds passing Babe Ruth.
May
John Daly admits losing $50 - $60 million gambling. That's amazing and also not cool even if you're Bill Gates.
Kobe and Shaq's wives have babies on the same day.
A Soprano's actor was busted for DUI and possession of cocaine.
The Phoenix Suns Raja Bell was ejected for going WWE on Kobe in the playoffs
Derek Jeter was voted "Most Overrated" by his peers. Uh lets see the Yankees won the World Series 4 times since
he's been there and have gone to the playoffs every year so I think these unnamed peers are jealous.
Charles Barkley admits to having a gambling problem
Steve Nash was named NBA MVP for the second time
NHL Playoffs had the lowest ratings ever
Duke's Lacrosse team involved in rape scandal
Kevin Federline and Brittney Spears have another baby, poor kid.
Juwan Howard steals errrr I mean "forgot that he had" a $2000 pair of sunglasses that he apparently tried on
Cliff Robinson gets suspended five games for pot
San Jose Sharks fans boo the Canadian National Anthem in the NHL Playoffs and when I did this story I got emails from
Canada which never happened before, didn't know people up there checked out my site so that's cool.
University of Texas running back Ramonce Taylor busted for pot
Rasheed Wallace guarantees Detroit will win over LeBron James and the Cleveland Cavaliers...LeBron's team won...oops!
Woman stabs her husband in his genitals for cheating and every man feels his pain just reading about that one
Barbaro breaks his leg
Albert Pujols had 22 homeruns a month after baseball's opening day...yeah that's normal. He was on pace to hit 100 homeruns
which is sick.
Northwestern Women's Soccer team has to apologize after photos of a hazing ritual involving girls in underwear doing crazy
stuff surface on the internet. Again hazing is cool to a point like in 7th grade in Florida I had to carry the teams equipment
but that was it. It's when knuckleheads get creative that bad things often happen.
Before the soccer World Cup began America lost to Morocco, a country with a population smaller than New York City's...just
a sign of things to come.
The Tampa Bay Devil Rays put a fish tank in the outfield, probably to distract fans from how bad the team plays
Barry Bonds hits homerun #715 to pass Babe Ruth on the all time list.
Roger Clemens signs with the Houston Astros
June
Mariano Rivera hurts himself tying his shoes. Yup, you guessed it, he's going on my list of athletes and their stupid injuries.
Spelling Bee was on ESPN presented in High Definition. How wack is that whole sentence? There's a waste of HD technology,
and ESPN is for sports and save your "it's a mental sport emails" That arguement doesn't work for poker or spelling
bee. It's nice to see some smart kids are still around but we have a new invention called spell check.
Carolina Hurricanes defeat Edmonton Oilers in the Stanley Cup Finals
Arizona Diamondbacks pitcher Jason Grimsley had his home raided by the FBI, wow!
A man who punched a cashier and stole pop tarts ran out of the store and was hit by a truck...instant justice?
Bernard Hopkins defeated Antonio Tarver and then later in the year, so did Rocky Balboa in his movie. I would say who's
gonna buy Sylvester Stallone at 60 playing a boxer but Foreman came back and actually won a belt.
Ben Roethlisberger injured in a motorcycle accident and there went the Steelers repeating as champs
USA loses to Czech Republic in the World Cup opener 3-0
Duke basketball star JJ Redick picked up for DWI...How easy is it to call a cab?
Odalis Perez invites some underprivleged kids to a major league game and then cancels because he didn't get enough media
coverage for his good deed. I guess he never heard of doing something out of the goodness of your heart. By the way he was
traded at the end of the year...good
Phil Mickelson falls apart at the U.S. Open and gives the championship away to Greg Olgilve
A report stated that Germany brought in 40,000 prostitutes for the Olympics. 40,000? Nothing brings the world together
like immorality, corruption, and sexually transmitted diseases.
USA loses to Ghana in the World Cup and gets eliminated
Former boxer Clifford Etienne sentenced to 150 years in prison. So on good behavior he might get out of jail at 100
Miguel Cabrera hits a game winning single off of a pitch that was supposed to be an intentional walk pitch...wow! Watching
that happen was hilarious, all the pitcher had to do was throw the ball away from the plate
Brett Myers arrested for punching his wife. No respect for men who hit women, these are usually the guy who can't hit
anyone else.
Knicks owner James Dolan gives Isiah Thomas 1 year to turn his team around. Who do you think he is Phil Jackson? I got
news for you, 10 years wouldn't turn the Knicks around they're a disaster
Washington Wizards star Gilbert Arenas misses a court date and as a result has a warrant issued for his arrest, next time
set your alarm clock dude
A politician calls Dwayne Wade 'Wade Jones'. If you don't watch sports just admit it instead of making a fool out of yourself
pretending to be down with your local team and you don't even know the star player.
Milwaukee Brewers pitcher Matt Weis gets taken down by salad tongs, he actually walked into them hurting his ribs...My
list is almost full it must be an epidemic, these guys may need assistance off the field it's ridiculous.
July
Zedane headbutts an Italian player in the World Cup, it's not like he hurt his team or anything
Tiger Woods afer having lost his dad shows his emotions as he wins the British Open
Golf anaylst Peter Alice wondered if Tiger Woods' drive and determination came from his Oriental background. Oriental?
Is it 2006 or 1936...I think you mean his Asian background.
Rapper Lil' Kim is released from prison
A NASA spokesman scared the hell out of us by saying that an asteroid would come very close to Earth. It missed us by
39 million miles, wow that was close!
Kobiyoshi repeats as the hotdog eating champ, congrats you freak
Manny Ramierez and Pedro Martinez skip the All-Star game with "injuries"
Ryan Howard wins the Home Run Derby
Michael Young was named the All-Star game MVP
Scott Sauerbeck gets sentenced to talk to youth about alcohol
Sam Cassell resigns with the Clippers
Terrell Owens says he was misquoted in his own autobiography
Michelle Wie misses the cut...again
Alex Rodriguez makes three errors in one game. It was obvious the guy was trying too hard and NY fans were all over him
but to his credit he says he's staying with the Yankees
The Seattle Supersonics are sold to an Oklahoma City Group but they say they have no plans of moving the team...we'll
see
Shea Hillenbrand gets fired by the Toronto Blue Jays and that whole situation was handled professionally and quietly,
yeah right. Dude didn't leave without blowing up everyone in the organization
Sammy Sosa says he's not retired. Really? Then what team do you play for dude? It's not the Baltimore Orioles anymore
and it's not the Chicago Cubs anymore...unless he became a coach or sideline reporter while I was sleeping he's still retired.
August
Justin Gatling tests positive for steroids and blames it on 'tainted lotion'. Now in his defense they're some sports creams
out there that contain HGH or Human Growth Hormone which would show up on a test. Of course if he read the ingredients he
wouldn't be in this situation
Deion Sanders said Tiger Woods wasn't an athlete. Listen, "prime time" just because your career is over don't
try to bring down Tiger.
Milwaukee is named "Drunkest City" in America, congrats but Miami's gotta be second with all the lushes I see
around my house especially during the New Year's holiday
America tanks in the Ryder Cup as usual
Tampa Bay Devil Rays minor league team complain about not getting more call ups to the majors and that big leaguers are
showering in Evian water while their facilities don't work properly. If they are in fact showering with bottled water I would
challenge them to donate some money to Africa and Eastern Europe and places where kids don't have drinking water. We take
a lot for granted here.
Vladimir Guerrero continues his hitting streak to 44 games as he helped defeat the Texas Rangers
Greg Maddux almost throws a No Hitter in his Dodgers debut.
Yankees sweep the Boston Red Sox in a five game series that took place in Boston...ouch. How the hell do you drop five
games at home?
The Los Angeles Dodgers at one point during the season won 19 of 22 games
Tiger Woods wins the PGA Championship, his 12th major of his career and dude's like 30. He may win 50 majors before he's
done.
Rhett Bomar gets fired from Oklahoma's football team and they went 11-2 so I guess they didn't miss him
Aaron Rowland breaks his leg in a collision in outfield. Earlier he broke his nose running face first into a wall in the
outfield. Dude makes baseball sound more violent than football.
A little league coach walks the opposing team's best hitter to get to a kid with cancer because it was the right "baseball
move". That coach is a moron, little league is about having fun, not stats...win or lose the kids get pizza or at least
it used to be that way.
September
September was the quietest month and not that much happened that was relevant to my reports...ok ok so I took vacation but
I get 8 weeks and I'm taking every minute of it. I had my laptop with me and there were a few stories that grabbed my attention:
Coach Roy Williams said, "It was stupid how close we were to scoring 40". This statement was made after a game
in which his team scored 6 points.
Alyssian's gonna hate me but Colorado opened the college football season with a loss to Montana State. Why even play the
rest of the games? Nothing like putting a Division II team on your schedule for an easy win only to lose to them.
Nancy Kerrigan participates in a Halloween television skating special. Don't worry, Tonya Harding and her henchmen weren't
present.
A 36 year old father in Northern California rushed the field and tackled a 13 year old kid. You have to love youth sports.
Fred Goldman tries to sue O.J. Simpson for the rights to his name and likeness in an effort to collect the $33 million
Simpson owes him...good luck with that.
Anibal Sanchez throws a No Hitter for the Florida Marlins. The Marlins still fired the manager...go figure
And of course Detroit Lions assistant coach Joe Cullen is arrested for driving naked. Maybe it was laundry day.
October
John L. Smith smacked himself in the face during a press conference meltdown after a loss to Illinois...he was later smacked
with a pink slip
Joe Mauer won the batting title. He's a catcher by the way...this isn't supposed to happen.
Shaq said he won the Lakers NBA titles by himself. Sure you did Shaq, grow up.
The NY Yankees dropped Alex Rodriguez to 8th in the batting order and it still didn't work.
Kenny Rogers turns into Cy Young striking out everyone in the playoffs.
The Dodgers' Jeff Kent and J.D. Drew both get thrown out at home plate on the same play in Game one of the NLDS and that
series pretty much ended right there.
A woman at a Florida Marlins game gets hit with a piece of concrete which fell from the ceiling. She denied medical treatment
and said she'd see her doctor after the game. Toughest woman ever.
November
Kim Jong Il, the nutcase errr I mean Dictator of North Korea is apparently an NBA fan. Sure the citizens of North Korea are
starving to death but he loves this game!
Yao Ming adds his name to the list of NBA players who hate the new ball. "The more I use it the more I hate it".
The South Eastern Conference banned South Carolina from cheating errrr I mean playing their rooster calls during the games.
Guillermo Mota gets suspended 50 games for steroids.
Paul Azinger named new Ryder Cup captain
Louisville knocks off West Virginia to take a brief look at respectability. Very brief because Rutgers ended their National
Title hopes the next week...ouch
Joe Paterno gets his leg broken on the sideline when he gets hit by two players. Then he stood up for a few minutes before
taking a knee. Someone test this guy for steroids or just check to see if he's human.
Ryan Howard wins the National League MVP. He had a great year he also won the Home Run Derby earlier.
Lonnie Smith still won't admit he got decked by Chuck Knoblauch but he did admit he wanted to kill John Schuerholz...wow
Johns Daly files for divorce for the 4th time. Four divorces by 40? This guy treats marriage like dating. Do you think
it has something to do with that $60 million he lost gambling?
December
Twin Division I football playing brothers got arrested for stealing an X-Box. Come on guys, at least make it a Playstation
3.
Yours truly is an honorary guest at the Niagara University Alumnus party...I love NU!
Rex Grossman posts a 1.3 quarterback rating against the Minnesota Vikings. Chicago still won.
Jaime Lynn Sigler (Meadow Soprano) signs my 'Bringing Down the House' book which was awesome, she's really nice. The book
would be really valuable if I could find the author Ben Mezrich but Jaime's signature is good enough, and I called her Jaime
because when I asked about calling her Meadow she says she hates that.
Barry Bonds showed up at the winter meetings pretending that teams were interested in him. Surprisingly, he resigned with
the San Francisco Giants.
Rickey Henderson was being considered for the 1st base coach's job with the Mets.
David Stern admits the new ball is a disaster and gives the players back the original leather basketballs.
Dallas Green tells Pat Burrell that he needs to stop spending so much time with the broads and get serious about his career.
Broads? Again, is this 2006 or 1936?
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